So I lost my wallet.

I was pretty upset because I lost the visa card. It was my only valid card, and HSBC Vietnam refused to issue a new card without my presence. There is no way I can receive or withdraw money from now on. In the depressed moment, I even thought of giving up the trip and going back to Vietnam. But then I realized that it was purely stupid. I don’t have money, so what? I’ve already booked the ticket to Ethiopia, and I’m doing AFRICA! Even if I can only travel for only few more weeks, I’ll still have the most fun out of it. I’ve never had money with me, so the wallet had only sentimental value anyway.

I made myself a huge breakfast and food made me happy again. Feeling the need to spice up my trip (and mostly unable to afford a bus ticket), I decided to on a challenge: hitchhiking from Tel Aviv to Eilat. It’s deemed impossible for 2 reasons: 1. It’s impossible to hitchhike (or tremp, as they call it here) from Tel Aviv, nobody will pick up hitchhikers from a big city. 2. It’s a 350km trip through Negev dessert where the temperature goes up to 45 -50 degrees.

By that time, I was familiar with Tel Aviv streets. First, I needed to get out of the city on foot. Luckily, I was staying pretty close to the South exit of the city. The last time I went there was to tremp to Jerusalem. I ended up walking for 2 hours on a highway with no shoulder for cars to stop, until I was totally exhausted and took a bus instead. Lesson learned, this time I decided to tremp BEFORE getting on the highway. I chose myself a visible spot at the beginning of the highway. Few cars passed by giving me a weird look. I started wondering if it was even legal for cars to stop there or I was making myself an idiot standing there, then whoops, a car pulled over.

- Eilat? – It was a rhetoric question. The chance that he was going to Eilat is 1 in 1 million. I didn’t care where he was going, all I cared was that he was heading South and I needed a better spot to tremp.

He shrugged his shoulders and laughed. We exchanged the ultimate conversation: he asked me where I am from, how old I am, why I hitchhike, why I am traveling alone, blah blah while I just smiled politely and tried to be cute. He dropped me at Ashdod, about 30mins from Tel Aviv.

- Crazy girl, good luck.

Luck was exactly what I needed. As soon as I got off his car, another car stopped. This car took me another 30mins down South. The same procedure and conversation were repeated.

- Where are you from?

- Vietnam.

…

- Ah, Filipino girls are the best.

- Yeah, but I’m from Vietnam.

…

- Is it that hot in Cambodia?

- I’m from VIETNAM.

I hated this guy already. Come on, you must have at least heard of the Vietnam war, haven’t you. We aren’t that insignificant T_T

He dropped me off I had no idea where. A van stopped, and before I knew it, I got one of the most unexpected rides ever.

It was a delivery van from Tel Aviv. They were delivering stuff to God-know-where. “It’s just 2 hours from Eilat, don’t worry.” They threw my bags on the back and I seated in front with them. If I’m not mistaken, the guy who was driving is Nimrod and the other guy is Ron. They are both in their early 30s, but they acted like school boys.

- Veeewww, let’s go!

Nimrod stirred the wheel while Ron just laughed hysterically for no reason. They started telling me stories of their traveling in South America, Asia, etc. after the army, pretty much a typical Israeli story. Nimrod was really excited about his dream.

- I want to buy a van and travel everywhere in Australia.

- Do it.

- No money. Have to pay rent and such.

- Why do you need an apartment? Get rid of the rent, get a tent and camp on Rothschild (thousands of people are camping on Rothschild to protest against the housing price).

- If I do it, will you travel Australia with me?

- Insha’Allah. – I laughed.

They stopped at several cities on the way to deliver stuff. I wanted to get off somewhere along the highway to tremp with another car so that I could get to Eilat before dark, but they convinced me otherwise.

- Come on, stay with us. It’s fun. We are almost half way to Eilat.

Ron was right. It was fun. I had a chance to check out the places that normally I would never think of going to. I was amazed how the furniture was assembled from small pieces, using really smart screw designs that I have never seen before. I picked up a cradle and assembled it myself.

- Wow, no need for instruction? Smart ass huh. – Ron and Nimrod gave me a heartfelt approval and my nose blew up to the sky. Ha, I’m good at it

They dropped me just outside Dimona.

- Write to me. – Nimrod shouted goodbye. – Let’s do Australia together.

To my horror, I read a sign on the street: “Eilat – 240km”. It wasn’t half way. 4 hours and I’d only progressed like 60km. But it was worth it. I like really the boys, they are the type I would want to hang out with. Too bad I’ve got to move on.

A man picked me up and I was soon on the road again. He dropped me in the middle of nowhere. It was so hot that I could barely breathe. The wind carried the heat through the desert, slapped right onto my face. The bottle of water I brought started getting hot after just few minutes. I could see it evaporating. I was boiling!

The scariest thing is that there was almost no traffic there. A car passed by every 5 or 10 minutes. Well, it’s a looooong time when you are all by yourself in the middle of the desert. A car stopped right in front of me. I ran towards eagerly but the woman sitting in the front gave me the signal to back off. The driver looked at me wryly. He told the woman something but she kept shaking her head and threw me a look as if she was about to pour acid on me. The man shrugged, I guess it’s his way of saying sorry. Oh, bitches!

But it was my luck that they didn’t pick me up. Another car soon pulled over and that’s how I met Yoni.

Yoni is a nice 24 year old guy with the kind of face that you can trust from the first look. He is from Dimona but lives in Eilat for his work. His English is probably at my Hebrew level. He pointed at the bottle of water in his car:

- I make.

- You make water. Are you God?

With awkward body language, he managed to explain to me that he works for this company. Later, through friends that I found out he’s the manager of the whole region or something like that.

We exchanged some information, but most of the time we just listened to the music and sang along. Even though we couldn’t communicate much, his style made me feel really comfortable. He lives in the center of the city but he got out of his way to take me to the border. Mission accomplished. But it was just the beginning of a huge balagal (trouble) that I couldn’t have managed without the help of Yoni.

It’s 6.30am and I still can’t sleep. I still couldn’t believe what happened last night was real. Almost kidnapped by a 67 year old creep who has already been convicted for harassing young girls. Thanks God I’m back home safe and sound. I can’t imagine what would happen if my friends weren’t there for me.

So, I have been in Israel for a while and I’m completely broke. I decided to check Craigslist for some freelance job that gives quick money. I found this ad saying that lawyer Neil Lapidus was looking for someone who can “take and type English Dictation from him in translating Hebrew legal documents to English.”

Thinking that typing is probably the only thing I can do, I called him but he said that he had already found someone. Few weeks later which was yesterday, he called me at around 7pm and told me that he needed a typist NOW. He urged me to go to his place right away. I asked him how much he would pay for 1hour, he said: “Don’t worry, I’m not a mean person.” I generally trust old people so I didn’t ask more. I haven’t worked for a long time so I was very excited, I left immediately after his call without even eating anything. His place is the other end of the city, so I had to take the bus and was driven mad by the arrogant lady at the information center who kept me waiting for 10mins when she was doing absolutely nothing, then sent me to the wrong station. Anyway, Neil called me every few minutes to push me. “Where are you? Why are you taking so long?” “I’m trying to find the bus station.” “Keep trying. Fast.”

I got to his place at around 8.30pm or 9pm. He put me to work immediately. He told me that he needed somebody for 3 hours but kept me working for 6 hours straight without resting. His document was urgent! Once in awhile he just popped out a question: “Are you from a very poor family?” “Do you have computers in Vietnam?” Then he started touching me, but I was very polite: “Excuse me, no touching.” We were both getting tired. His feeble voice was getting even weaker and my brain was falling apart. When I couldn’t understand a word and asked him to repeat, he shouted at me: “Are you fucking deaf?” I shouted back: “It’s late and I’m tired. I will leave right now if you continue shouting at me.” He insisted me to stay to finish the document, then he would take me home. I was tired, sleepy and hungry. But I went all the way there so I’d better make some money. What kept me typing all the night was the idea that I’d get some money, go back to Tel Aviv and treat myself an awesome sushi meal.

We finished at 2.30am and he told me to get ready to go home.

I was surprised: “But you haven’t paid me yet.” He said: “I have no money, not even 1NIS”

“What do you mean you have no money?” I was so stunned that I didn’t know how to react. “Go to the ATM and withdraw some money.”

“I don’t have cards.” Shit, later he opened wallet and a bunch of cards flashed out.

“What do you mean?” I was still dumbfounded. I never thought that somebody would ever do that. “How are you gonna pay me.”

“Come work next time and I’ll pay you.”

“You are fucking kidding me”, I thought to myself. Now I started understanding what was going on. “Wait, how much are you gonna pay me?”

“Hmm, normally I get some students and I pay them 25NIS/hour,”

“What? I called me urgently, told me to come all the way here, pushed me to work at midnight and you pay me minimum wage? I’m not gonna accept anything for less than 35NIS/hour.”

“OK,” he appeared confused, “so it was 3 hours, right?”

“What? I started before 9pm and now it’s now 2.30am. It’s 5.5 hours. 200NIS, and I want to get paid now.”

“I will write you a check.” He took out a bunch of dusty checks under the table. Everything on the check is written in Hebrew.

“I don’t understand Hebrew and I don’t have a bank account here, so I don’t know how it works. I’ll put you on the phone with my Israeli friend to explain to him how it works.”

“No, I’m not gonna talk to any friend. No friend, no phone call. You get the check now or nothing.”

Now I know something is seriously wrong. I called Asher. He told me that taking the check was the only thing I could do. I realized how stupid the situation was. It was almost 3am and I was stuck in the house alone with a creepy asshole. I needed to find a way back first. I told him to drop me back home. My plan was to have Tal (my awesome roommate) waiting for me downstairs, and he’d talk to this creepy guy when we arrived. There was something so weird about this guy that I was seriously scared. He looked like somebody with mental problems who could do anything out of control. He walks with his shoulders bent forwards, his head always looks down. I was so scared that before getting in his car, I texted Asher: “Call me every few minutes to see if I’m still alright. His car no is xxxx850 Sirion.” Neil drove me home. But as soon as this creepy guy saw Tal, he drove off.

“Where the fuck are you taking me to?”

He didn’t answer me. He was panting and his hands were shaking with anger. I was both mad and scared. It was his car, I had no idea if he had a knife or scissors hidden somewhere. I really believed that he was up to no good. I told him: “I sent your name and your car number to my friends. If something happened to me, they’d know.” I picked up the phone and was about to call the police while that guy suddenly turned his wheel to go back to my neighborhood. I sensed that he was scared of police, I planned to push for more, but Tal called me: “Chip, please, wherever you are, just get off the car.” He was worried when he saw the car driving off, and he sounded like he was crying. The guy opened the door and pushed me out of the car when we were near my house. Tal came and picked me up.

When I saw Tal, I fell into his arms and almost burst into tears. Fear and anger. Tal and Sheila googled his name to find out more information about that guy, and we found this (use google translate). He was already convicted twice for harassing young girls and for threatening to kill one of them. He didn’t even deny that he wanted to kill her.

Damn I was lucky!

Need a reason to go to Israel? I’ll give you 3 millions of them: Israeli guys. I won’t pretend to be a prude. A whole bunch of extremely attractive Israeli guys was what I took me here in the first place.

They are damn good looking

Israeli girls might disagree which I totally understand. You have to be from afar to appreciate the height of a mountain. Israeli guys are gorgeous! Even though they look different, for some reason, they all have lady-killer faces. They come from all over the world, so no matter what your taste is, you’ll always find something here. Also, thanks to the tough training in the army and the healthy diet with a lot of veggies and nuts, Israelis guys are bound to have untra-fit bodies. If somebody complains about the big Jewish nose, they definitely don’t know how to enjoy Eskimo kisses. And has anyone told you that girls have a thing for guys in army uniforms?

They are warm and friendly

There is no easier place to meet guys than Israel. While Israeli girls are a bit serious, Israeli guys are warm and fun-loving. They smile at you, come and talk to you as if it’s something absolutely natural. No, it’s not the kind of creepy approaching we see in India or Nepal, it’s the kind of approaching friends do to each other. My first experience with Israel’s hospitality was when I just crossed the immigration office to the beautiful beach of Eilat. A group of Israeli bikers waved at me all smiley and welcome. When I asked them the way to Tel Aviv, they told me that they were going to Tel Aviv tomorrow, so if I stayed in Eilat that night, they would give me a ride. They then lent me a mattress and a blanket so that I could sleep on the beach. Another time, a friend and I once walked and talked about prices in Tel Aviv, an Israeli guy passed by and chipped in: “Hell yeah, Tel Aviv is ridiculously expensive.” He then walked with us for a long way and we had an engaging talk about other ridiculous things in Tel Aviv, and how he wanted to move to Vietnam for cheap and tasty beer. Israeli guys won’t mind inviting people they have just met to their parties or jam sessions, as long as they think that the people are fun.

They have an amazing sense of humor

We have all heard about Jewish humor: the witty, self-depreciating, verbal and anecdotal humor that dated back to the ancient Torah. If you love the humor of Woody Allen, Groucho Marx, Jerry Seinfeld or even Howard Wolowitz in Big Bang Theory, you are doomed to be hooked to Israeli guys. They can make remarks that seem random but can actually make you laugh the whole day until you get 6 packs.

One of my favorite Jewish jokes

A Frenchman, a German and a Jew walk into a bar. “I’m tired and thirsty,” says the Frenchman. “I must have wine.” “I’m tired and thirsty,” says the German. “I must have beer.” “I’m tired and thirsty,” says the Jew. “I must have diabetes.”

They are dugri

Simon Cowell has Jewish root and he’s dugri. Dugri is slang for “straight talk”. Israeli guys are famous or notorious for their straightforwardness. They don’t mind telling to your face if you suck at something. They don’t mind telling you exactly what they want, and what they don’t want. With Jewish guys, you don’t have to throw yourself into a war of nerves to find hidden meaning behind their words. You can also have open talks where you can be true to yourself without worrying that you might piss them off. Many people might find it rude, I find it extremely attractive and manly.

They are not frayer

Looking back to Jews’ thousands years of history, from the moment Moshe led Israelis out of slavery in Egypt until today when Israelis are fighting for their own country, everything they do is not to be a frayer, aka a sucker. They won’t let people push them down, they won’t let people take advantage of them, and they will fight for their own rights. Think about it, who doesn’t want a man who can stand up for himself, and can stand up for whom he loves?

We all make mistakes while traveling. Some are funny, like when Asher wanted to fly to Amman, Jordan, his friend misunderstood and booked him a flight to Oman instead. Some are just mere stupid, like this one. I’m making a lot of mistakes, and I hope that they will at least serve as a warning for all aspiring travelers not to make the same mistake again.

—-

My beautiful plan was to take a bus from Cairo to Sinai today, arrive at St. Catherine at 6pm, climb up the Holy Mount Sinai – the place where Moses received the Ten Commandments from God all night, wait for the sunrise, then climb down to visit St. Catherine monastery in the morning. I booked the bus ticket yesterday. After the ticket and the gift for my host’s grandmom, I had exactly 100LE (~ $16) left. That amount of money should be enough for me to hitchhike from St.Catherine to the border, and get out of Egypt just before my visa expires on Friday. Everything was calculated to minute.There was only one thing that I forgot: traffic jam. I’m so used to traffic in Vietnam and Nepal that Cairo gave me a false sense of heaven.

I woke up early that morning. I had time for breakfast, a shower, some reading and even …  Facebook (screw you Facebook). The bus station was just 10 minutes driving away, so I darted out of the house 15 minutes before the (supposed) departure time expecting to have plenty of time there. You know, buses in Egypt never leave on time. The last time I took a bus, they kept me waiting for 2 hours.

It took the cab 1 hour to travel 5.5km to the bus station!

And the bus, surprisingly, had already left!

It struck me so hard that it took me a while to realize how badly the situation was. I still can’t believe that I could ever be late for a bus, and not just any bus, but a bus in EGYPT! There is only 1 bus to St. Catherine a day. Since my visa is expiring, I can’t wait until tomorrow.

My first plan was to take a cab and race to catch the bus on the way, just to realize how stupid it is to race in that jam.

My second plan was to hitchhike to Sinai. I need to get to the highway first. A taxi stopped for me in front of the bus station. I said: “No money, no taxi.” and he said “No money, no problem.” I was confused.

- Where are you going to? – I asked in pidgin Arabic.

- Where you want to go?

- Sinai.

- OK.

I repeated “Sinai. Very far.” I was still extremely confused. It was hot outside, and I was getting tired. The big backpack on my back and the small one hung in the front. My shirt stick to my body. My brain was falling apart. I got in the cab, and put him on phone with Amr to explain to him that I wanted to get to the highway. He agreed. I was looking out of the window when I felt his hand crawling up my thigh.

- What are you doing?

- Friend. You – he pointed at me, and then pointed at himself – my friend.

- Shit.

- No friend? – he looked at me with his sickening eyes. I was so disgusted that I told him to stop right away. Not even 10 minutes and I was already harassed. I don’t know what will happen if I hitchhike to Sinai. I showed my useless bus ticket to a minibus, explaining to the driver that I wanted to buy a bus ticket to Sinai. He told me to hop on, and dropped me at the bus station just next to host’s house. Later I learned that the bus leaves from the station that I missed, to this station before leaving for Sinai. Damn, had I known better, I would have gone straight to this station and would caught the bus just on time.

I decided to skip St. Sinai this time because there is no way I can make it before my visa expires, and bought the ticket to Taba for tomorrow evening. It cost me a bloody 80LE. I was so tired that I paid 10LE for a taxi from the bus station back to my host’s place. I have only 10LE left to get to the bus station tomorrow, and to go from Taba to Israel. I heard that I had to pay some sort of exit tax at the border. I’m doomed.